Mom's first heavenly Anniversary

Today marks the one year anniversary of the day my mom took her journey to Heaven. I always said that I thought my mom was a superhero and after spending a year of my dad, brother and me trying to fill her shoes, we confirmed that my mom truly had superhuman powers. I will never forget waking up that morning after she passed away feeling completely lost. I knew it was a Sunday and one thing that we had to do was make her usual big Sunday breakfast, but I didn't even know where to begin. At that point, I didn't even know how to fry an egg. All 5 of us looked at each other helplessly. This year has been quite a journey, but we have finally found our own routine. It was a challenge for all of us and I can assure you that it didn't happen over night, but we made it. We survived the most challenging, life altering year of our lives. It's hard to swallow the fact that it's been an entire year since I last felt her, hugged her or kissed her cheek, but I can recall every last detail of that last hug. I still find myself panicking when I can't remember where every beauty mark on her face was or what was our last meal together, but she always helps me remember. I hate that this is it. All we have left of my mom are her ashes, pictures and the memories in our hearts. I pray that for all of out sakes, this will be a better year. I know my mom's in a much better place and I can't wait for the day that we are reunited in Heaven. When the day comes that God sends for me, I will no longer fear it knowing she will be there to greet me. Mom, know that we love you, miss you and hope to see you in our dreams.

Mom's 1st memorial mass

Today, we memorialized my mom. I woke up with no desire to get out of bed. All morning, I kept remembering that this time last year, I got up and had no idea that within a few hours, my life would never be the same. I kept replaying in my head, every last detail about that morning. I remember waking up and hearing the garage door close as she pulled out of the garage for the very last time. I just wanted to get today over with, but in the end, it was very bitter sweet. I think we all payed a lovely tribute to a wonderful woman. Her mass was very tearful, yet beautiful and It was nice to see so many people come, despite the rainy weather. This showed me that my mom was so influential in so many lives. The hardest part though was being back in that church, sitting in the same spot, seeing my dad, brother and especially my baby girls cry. It was like reliving her funeral all over again. There we were, in that front row of the church, angry, sad and heartbroken. I'm still trying to accept the fact that this is all part of God's plan and that this was not something he did to us out of spite. My mom worried and cared about everyone and now she has a wonderful view from Heaven where she can watch over all of us at once and as the overachiever that she is, I'm sure she has mastered using her Angel wings. I also made sure today we thanked all our friends and family, because without their support, we would have never survived this year. I have learned so much about my mom over this past year though all the stories and memories shared by everyone and this all helps reassure me that my mom will never be forgotten. She lives in all of our hearts and I will do all that I can to keep her memory alive. I love you Mom. Rest in Paradise.

helpless...

Yesterday was my little sister, Andrea's, 11th birthday. I could see in her face that she was hurting and it killed me to know that there was nothing that I could do as her big Sissy to fix it and make it better.I felt helpless. She said that it didn't feel like her birthday dispite our efforts to make it special for her. More than anything my heart breaks for my sisters and I pray that the 10 and 7 years of memories that they had with her will be enough to last them a lifetime. I will do my best to make sure that they always know how much she loved and adored them and how much she prayed every night to have them in her life. They were her little miracles.